Let the cat in!

Go with the flow...

Yesterday was an odd day....from the moment of being woken from a deep sleep by the horrendous crack of thunder at 3:30 a.m., the adrenaline rush that followed didn't allow me to fall back asleep easily.  So I watched the flashes of lightning, even through closed eyelids, listening to the rumbles and rolls.  For all the noise the storm was making, we still had the windows wide open because there wasn't yet any rain.  I got up at one point, my weight creaking the old wooden stairway, and stood staring out the hallway window, leaning my forehead into the screen, silently willing it to rain.
I crawled back into bed eventually, flipping and flopping with the covers, attempting to find a comfortable zone to get back to sleep, and then finally the rain came down.  So then I happily listened to that, and hoped it would last long enough to turn the brown things in my yard green again.  My husband's alarm clocks started going off and 4 a.m. as usual, and I find one of my worst noises is that of a Blackberry phone alarm....an other-worldly sort of electronic hum.  After he hit his snooze buttons three times, I decided I wasn't falling back to sleep and got up to make coffee.  Even though my sister-in-law (sleeping as a guest in my son's room) had brought a special coffee, I decided to make a full pot of the regular just because I knew it would be a coffee kind of day.

After my husband was happily out the door with his left-over Father's Day cookout lunch packed, I headed back to the bed with my cup of Joe and a slice of grandma's awesome rhubarb bread.  In the mornings I enjoy going back to bed with my coffee, snuggling with my daughter as she drinks her chocolate milk and we watch a Joyce Meyer program together on my phone.  But since it was too early to wake her up, I silently scanned the internet and eventually posted a status on Facebook.  Finally I felt tired enough to go back to sleep, but unfortunately it was three minutes before my alarm clock was set to ring!  I turned it off before it had the chance, and thought to myself "I'll just lay here a few minutes."  Well, those few minutes turned into an hour, and I awoke with such a jolt of fear that I'd overslept enough to miss the kids' dental appointments!  I hurled myself so quickly out of bed, grabbing for my glasses at the same time, that I slipped out, knocking my glasses to the floor and scraping my arm on the bedside table in the process.  It is not a nice way to wake up - in pain and with the first three words out of your mouth swear words that you can't take back! But it was time to move, with only 1/2 hour before the appointment.  Luckily our dentist is right in town!  I threw on a decent outfit and went to wake the first child.

After the appointments all went well, the receptionist asked what I was going to do with my day off.  I admitted that it had started so oddly that I had to go home and regroup before determining the plan.   So as soon as we got home and my boys started doing that laying around behavior I hate, I snapped to attention.  It was time to pick strawberries, and with my only day off of the week - it was perfect timing.  So we quickly tidied up the kitchen, threw a load of laundry in the washing machine and headed out the door for the day.

What a nice experience we enjoyed at Glendale Farms in Clintonville.  Instead of complaining that they HAD to pick strawberries, my kids dove into the task with enthusiasm, thanking me several times throughout the morning for taking them there!  Maybe it was the wagon ride out to the strawberry fields, being pulled by a tractor, or was it the fields of beautiful crops as far as the eye could see?  Maybe it was that the weather was perfect for being out in the field - overcast with a hint of rain to come in the breeze, or was it the promise of going out to lunch afterwards that inspired them so much?  But because I didn't have a particular goal in mind, I was pleasantly surprised when we had four full flats ready in short order!  I was a bit shocked at the pricetag when checking out, and had to run back to my vehicle for more money, but it was all the more determination I needed to get those berries taken care of and into the freezer when we got home.

We drove through Clintonville to see what else the town had to offer, and were surprised to see plenty of chain options available.  But when the kids saw A&W, all agreed that that was the place to go since we don't have one near our home.  A delicious lunch of savory Papa burgers with all the trimmings, delicious chicken strips and a bit of fries, topped off with the creamy, caramely taste of root beer in a frosty mug!  Another round of thankfulness made me think how lucky I am to have kids who appreciate such treats and don't take them granted.

The kids didn't mind as I ran in to peak at two different shops in town before we headed home.  As soon as the strawberries were in the house, I knew I needed a nap to make up the lack of sleep the night before.  I was exhausted!  I set the timer and plunked down in my favorite spot on the front porch, the fan buzzing me to sleep within minutes.  I woke up later, still groggy but determined to get going on the berries as I didn't want my husband coming home to find the table full of them and worry what was going to happen to them.  So Carter and nipped the tops and washed them, while Mason labeled and loaded the freezer bags.

With that task complete, it was only after a supper of leftover Father's Day cookout fare and some fresh sugar snap peas from Glendale Farms that I felt comfortable enough with the day to go wind down and relax for the night.

Your Old Friend

I saw your old friend tonight dear, at the Bar downtown.  He looked similar to the old days, more grown up of course, but stuck out from a distance and caught my eye with the colorful plaid shorts he was wearing and coordinating Nike shoes.  I stared for a while to make sure it was him, and when I realized my eyes were correct, the memories came rushing back.

It was not an old friend from your third grade party to the skating rink with pizza after, when half of the kids didn’t like the pizza I ordered but only wanted cheese on theirs, and one of them stood just spending his allowance at the candy vending machine instead of eating the food I had paid for.

It was not a friend from 6^th grade, when I dropped you off at middle school who yelled a polite, befriending “hello Mrs. Peterson” through my open van window, not realizing that wasn’t my last name.

It was not one of the old friends from your bowling party when I drove you all home afterwards and the song “Ride With Me” was playing and you all sang along, and to this day I can still hear Dustin in the dark hollering behind me “Hey!  Must be the money” when that song comes on.

It wasn’t a hockey teammate, and it wasn’t even one of your friends from the paint-balling fun days when I’d drive you back and forth to get pelted, but have a blast in the play-war of it all in a farmer’s field.

No this was the friend whose face reminds me of finding a bottle of Blue vodka in your bedroom when you were a teenager and you claiming it was his, as if that would let you off the hook.  That’s when I had to tell you, “I am not STUPID.  I have been your age before” (and for the first time I think you really believed me).  His face reminds me of all the years (years which seemed so long then, but looking back I realize it was only about two years) that every time you would leave the house with him I’d wonder if you’d really come back, counting the hours until your safe return to your bedroom at night, and you’d sneak past quietly but I’d hear you anyway and only then be able to truly fall asleep.  His was a face who needed a mom, but she was in jail and his dad was allowing the older brothers to rule the roost, but he was still a good boy with so much potential.  Your friendship with him is gnarled together in my mind with the memory of a police officer coming to my door, only to find out your friends were t-peeing and they were looking for the next target.  They were made to come up to our door and show their faces, but I knew as well as the police officer that you were just as much to blame, just not one caught, that night.  So tonight, I see this boy now grown, being the stand-in father- figure to someone else’s little boy, swinging him high with shared delight over his head, counting out all the “push-ups” the little guy can do, and generally paying really good attention to the little man…with the mother standing nearby, probably a girlfriend he was hopeful to impress?  But it didn’t really look like it….it was more as if the two males liked each other, without whatever she thought about the situation being included. 

He is just one face in a pile of all the friends you’ve ever had, that have shaped your growing world so far and of those who have yet to be included.

And yet, seeing that face….a high school guy back at the local watering hole with all the others drinking and cheering for the game on the bar television…. made me realize that if you were in town, you’d be there alongside all of them.  But seeing him also made me realize that even with all my sadness of you being out of my sight….all the nights of wondering what you were bundled up with to keep warm in that Afghanistan tent with the broken heater, worrying about a misplaced step landing on a ground mine, worrying about car accidents, bar fights, and other general traumas to your life, or even all the nights knowing that I’d rather not know what you are doing when we are apart because that is the way it should be as I am the parent and don’t need to know everything….but even in all my agony of missing you ever y day – like missing the way you can turn on a tune and change the mood of the house, the way you take a shower, spray on your cologne and strut through  the house getting ready to go out and even though your plans don’t include me, I can be happy that you are moving along in life having fun….doing what you do.  Even though I am missing how you can make a tense situation turn around with a joke and make everyone end up laughing, even with all of this - I am still glad somehow that you are gone from here.   Because you are, for now, creating yourself for the future and what it holds for you….all your dreams and purposes coming true until the day, someday, when I see you holding your own boy, high above your head in shared delight with true love shining in your eyes.

I haven't looked at my blog for a LONG time.  I am almost embarrassed to see how long it's been.  But it's been an interesting ride lately.  I've learned a lot, have some new opportunities on the horizon and a renewed excitement for living each day to the fullest.  More to come....

Let the cat in!

Flying February

This month seems to be moving along so quickly.  Part of that for me is because I had a self-imposed deadline to get the shop repainted and rearranged before anything else.  I painted one side of the shop "Lemon Grass", which is a fresh, bright green, just right for spring and summer. I think it will still look great in the holiday season with reds and silvers as well.  Painting in the shop is one thing, because I have to move in sections, taking everything out of an area to paint, move it all back.  But besides painting, I also flipped the fixtures from one side to the other, so I really had (and still have) a big mess.  But now the new product I ordered at market will begin to arrive and I can start unpacking.  Once I open the first box, I am inpspired to set up and create the new displays. It is always a lot of fun to see what I envisioned coming to life and reality in the store.

Another thing that's quickly changing is my baby girl. From one day to the next, it is so amazing how many new words she picks up and copies.  It is pretty cute and I really enjoy watching her learn so much!

Earthquake in Haiti

"Can I see another's woe, and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another's grief, and not seek for kind relief? "
- William Blake